No place where we can't go
by tjesje
Summary: It's the start of summer break, 1999, when Josuke Higashikata realises he's soul-consumingly in love, just like in the movies.


It's summer vacation. Or, it will be after this class. Josuke's trying his best to pay attention to the English on the chalkboard, he truly is, but the teacher's voice drones on, tedious, and English isn't his finest hour.

On top of that, he feels it's most unreasonable for his teachers to expect him to pay attention to the finer works of Robert Louis Stevenson when the sun is beating down on the flat roof of their school building, and all that separates him from his best friend and delicious frozen treats is mere studious discipline and flimsy fear of authority.

Josuke Higashikata is a hometown hero. He doesn't feel much like it, and nobody knows about it except his mom 'cause he can't keep any secrets from her, but the very harsh reality of what happened to him in a very short amount of time is firmly cemented in the broken-down home he sometimes passes, ambulance tracks still in its lawn. It's in how he sometimes hears sounds coming off small, cheap fireworks and has to bend over, face peering at his knees, and remember to breathe, and it's also in how he has to perform intricate rituals to get himself to sleep through the night, and even then succeeds maybe half the time.

Point is, he'd do it twice or thrice over to get the same results.

The results are as follows: He gets to wake up and eat his mom's cooking. She's experimenting with American food and she's getting better at the pancakes and eggs, and he really likes pancakes and eggs. He gets to feel the sun and leaf through albums he wants at the second-hand record store and he gets to dance to them when he blows his savings on them.

Another thing is he still gets to meet Okuyasu before they head to school every morning. That's a result Josuke ranks top-notch amongst all of them.

Okuyasu always walks in at a quarter to eight, using a spare key Josuke tried to slip him when he wasn't looking but got caught doing, when Josuke's only just finished the long, laborious process of styling his hair and long before anyone has to leave to partake in any academics at all. His mom always sets a plate for him, and he always sits at the seat to the left of Josuke's so their elbows bump together when they eat, Josuke's left and Okuyasu's right.

Okuyasu recently bought a gaming system; a Sega Dreamcast Josuke's only been able to make goo-goo eyes at, and he always invites Josuke over to play it together to play Soul Calibur and Street Fighter even though Josuke knows he likes Sega Rally much better. Josuke doesn't let him win because Okuyasu can tell when he does, and Okuyasu likes an honest loss far more than a dishonest victory.

Josuke will tell him ice-cream is on him, and Okuyasu will grin so brightly Josuke worries after everything he might go blind and will buy two two-scoop cones of mismatched flavours they'll end up sharing anyway.

Josuke really likes summers now. Whether it's Summers as a whole or just this one, he's going to have to find out next year. Being able to enjoy ice-cream still is also a result fairly highly ranked, but being able to eat Okuyasu's ice-cream off Okuyasu's ice-cream cone much higher.

It's almost summer vacation, his teacher speaking of Dr Livesey, and "well, squire, I don't put much faith into your discoveries, as a general thing, but I will say this: John Silver suits me," when Josuke realises he's dreadfully, most soul-consumingly in love.

* * *

Josuke doesn't know any other gay people in Morioh. At least not his side of it. That's not to say they aren't there, but maybe in a small, spread apart town such as his, things tend to be quieter and within the safe shelter of homes and beach tents while other couples hold hands and block the way to his locker making out when all he wants to do is get out and get to the school gates.

He's never been much for quiet and beach tents. He's also never meant to be or wanted to be a trail-blazer, but he has been in many ways regardless.

Like when he started eating his bacon with jam and now his mom does it too, or when he discovered a small comic book store about to go out of business and now all his classmates go or traversing the long road that was convincing Okuyasu sprinkles are better than chocolate flakes.

Or with being gay in Morioh, maybe.

"Hey bro!" he yells as soon as the school gates are within sight. "Dude, you ever read Treasure Island?"

Okuyasu waits for him to be closer before he replies. "Totally did, man!"

Josuke grins at him. "Great! You can tell me _all _about it while I go rent it off the library. Wanna hit the arcade, bro?"

"Treasure Island is required reading, bonehead. I'm not telling you squat." Okuyasu resolutely folds his arms as they start walking the long way home, a route that takes them past all their regular haunts, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Unless…"

Josuke walks a dangerous sideways-hop so he can look at Okuyasu properly without stopping. "Unless?"

"Banana, chocolate, strawberry triple scoop."

"Aw man," Josuke grins. "You're breaking my heart, dude. Triple scoop? You're making a poor man poorer."

Okuyasu unfolds his arms and smacks him on the shoulder. "I know you just got your allowance, man. Triple scoop or walk."

"Triple scoop it is, bro. But you better give me all the character relations and symbolism."

"You got it, dude!"

Okuyasu gets his triple scoop, and to balance it out, Josuke gets a single scoop of a flavour Okuyasu doesn't like and eats a third of each of Okuyasu's. They're not allowed to bring their cones into the arcade, so instead they sit on the curb just outside of it, by the bicycle racks, legs outstretched, crossed at the ankle, and faces slightly tilted upwards towards the sky like sunflowers.

"Hey, dude?" Josuke begins, strawberry ice-cream sweet in his mouth. He turns his head a little bit so he can look at Okuyasu's face. His eyes are closed and his face is slightly tanned now in a way that makes his extremely radical scars stand out just a little bit more. Josuke likes how his eyelashes are shorter than his, and how he has slight dimples if he smiles wide enough (he always does.)

Okuyasu doesn't open his eyes or move at all when he says, "yeah, bro?"

"I'm gay, I'm pretty sure."

Okuyasu opens his eyes and turns a quarter to look at him, not in any specific way, but it's a thing he does when he feels like there are matters that deserve his full attention. Like Street Fighter character picking, or complimenting Josuke's hair, or this, apparently.

Okuyasu smiles at him widely. "Cool, dude!"

And so, Josuke blazes a trail.

* * *

Even without school, Okuyasu comes in every morning, later than usual with the option of sleeping late in the mix, but still in time for breakfast.

The first day after classes end he rings the doorbell instead of using his key like he's hesitant and unsure of his welcome now that there's no excuse for him to be here without their walks or weekend homework sleepovers, as though Josuke's ever expected one. Josuke's mom calls him in with a look of fond exasperation, tells him he's being silly, Okuyasu laughs boisterously and takes his regular seat. The next day he uses his key.

They're a week into summer vacation when Josuke realises he and Okuyasu have done nothing but sit inside in their tank tops complaining about the heat. One of precious few weeks before he's forced to hand in a report on Treasure Island.

"Dude."

"What's up, man," Okuyasu croaks from his face-down starfish sprawl on the living room carpet.

Josuke tries to blow stray escaped hairs off his forehead, where sweat stubbornly keeps them plastered. "We should do something. We're in the spring of our youth or whatever. We should have cool adventures." He grimaces. "Like, not involving serial murderers. Just beach trips and camping and shit."

"Don't say 'shit' Josuke, or your allowance gets it."

"Sorry, mom! So no serial killers, just making the most of our dwindling and fragile youth."

"We should make a list dude." Okuyasu rolls over and it looks like it saps all his strength from him immediately. "Do you think the beach's busy right now?"

"Nah." Josuke uses the side of the sofa to pull himself up and off the floor. "It'll be fine. C'mon, goofus."

* * *

It's _very _busy on Morioh beach, now that they're open to the public for the summer. So crowded there's barely a line of sight to the pier, which has couples and parents with children and photographers vying for the best view.

It's the height of tourist season, there are stalls set up with lines for frozen treats, fried goods, and even seashells (they're everywhere, just pick them off the ground, dipshits.) Despite this, Josuke feels like there's no better day to visit than today.

Josuke braves the line for slushies and gets them a green one and a blue one, not because they're their favourite flavours, but because he likes how Okuyasu laughs when he sees Josuke's tongue is all blue, and he likes how he grabs his own when Josuke points out it's green.

He pays for both of them because Okuyasu vowed to get them frozen chocolate bananas later, and turns to elbow his way back to their conquered spot at the end of the pier.

Josuke slows down a little whiles away, just to stare. It's not creepy if he plans to go there in a little bit anyways, he reasons, so he looks.

Okuyasu looks sad. A little forlorn, staring out into the distance across the water. Like he's a ship without a tether. Josuke decides that, while he's of course within his rights to feel that way and feel any way he damn well pleases, he really hates seeing Okuyasu that way.

Josuke keeps walking.

Sometimes, whenever Okuyasu calls himself an idiot, or stupid, which is less and less these days, Josuke has the slightly horrible thought that if Keicho were here, he'd push him back onto the power line.

He knows he wouldn't really, so they remain embittered thoughts that do nothing but make him grit his teeth. He does even sometimes come with Okuyasu to visit the little gravestone in the back of the cemetery where he rests and pays his respects no matter how little he feels he deserves them sometimes.

Despite this, he wants to punch a wall or his own lights out whenever he thinks of the person who made Okuyasu think he was stupid for having too many feelings for a person to hold. That crying was dumb, and feeling sad a sign of stupidity, and even happiness weakness.

They're sitting close enough their elbows touch, swinging their legs close to the surface of the water, Josuke's right pinky resting so near Okuyasu's left one he could entwine them if he wanted. He wants to. He doesn't.

Okuyasu's tongue is green from his shaved ice, and usually, Josuke would point it out. Instead, he watches a seagull pick apart an empty sandwich wrapper and says, "Hey, you know that if you were ever sad about something or whatever, you could tell me, yeah?"

Okuyasu swallows a mouthful of ice through his straw and sighs blissfully. "Hm? Sure, yeah. Where'd that come from, dude?"

Josuke dips his toe into the sea. It's nice and cool, close to lukewarm. "Nowhere, man. Just wanted to make sure you got that."

"I got it," Okuyasu says with a nod. "Thanks, bro. I'm just worried about dad, but I'll figure it out! Maybe I'll bring him a banana later!"

"You totally should, man. He'll definitely dig it."

Above the water, their toes brush.

* * *

They make a list and find out Josuke's never gone camping. His mom hates mosquitos with a passion and doesn't like the idea of bugs getting into where she sleeps, and Josuke can't say he's liked the idea of that much either, so they've just never gone.

Okuyasu, however, claims he and his dad and brother have once _lived _in a tent, in between constant moving from place to place and home to home. He doesn't look very sad about it, like he doesn't realise he maybe should be, so Josuke tries not to feel sad about it either.

This does bring the fortunate side effect Okuyasu knows exactly how to put a tent together with very rapid efficiency.

They're three weeks into their summer vacation and Josuke is sitting on his own backpack while Okuyasu tries to get a campfire on. They're not sure if it's safe or legal to do this, but they bought marshmallows and they're going to use them like in the movies. Josuke kicks his feet out and away from him, leaning back on his arms.

He tilts his head back and looks at the stars. The sky is not too polluted in Morioh, he thinks. He can see plenty of stars at night and the darkness is appropriately dark, not brown-orange like in big cities. Out here, though, a small hike away from cars and stores and people, Josuke sees everything. It's a new moon and the sky is full. If he tilts his head far back enough he's staring straight up, he feels surrounded by it, stars and planets and comets all around him. There's the flicker of tiny lights appearing and disappearing, some bigger than others, and sometimes, he sees things move, streak across, and it doesn't even occur to him to make a wish. His head spins like he's falling.

He feels incredibly small, and like the universe is way too large.

He quickly tilts his head forward again, just in time for Okuyasu to make a little happy sound of success when he makes the spark in their hastily collected little tower of branches and newspaper scraps and leaves into a small flame.

"Told you I'm a genius at this shit, bro!" he declares, his smile so wide his eyes wrinkle at the corners and his dimples are full force.

Okuyasu's smile is so, so overjoyed and his eyes look better and more like jewels than any star Josuke's ever seen, even out here and, God, he's never heard Okuyasu call himself a genius before but he loves the sound of it, and his stomach clenches dangerously. Josuke's own smile twitches at its corners, threatening to fall with the force of it. Before he hurls and puts out Okuyasu's amazing campfire with the curry and pop rocks they had for dinner, he leans forward and slaps him on the shoulder.

"Way to go, bro! You're outstanding, dude. I'd have totally bunked this way up."

Okuyasu laughs, and the redness of his cheeks at the compliment goes up to his ears and down his neck, and his shoulder is warm under Josuke's palm and keeping it there is most definitely a mistake with how it makes something lodge itself into his throat like a rabid animal.

He still leaves it, uses it to manoeuver Okuyasu to sit on the jacket Okuyasu's draped out next to him, but it's definitely a mistake.

He's allowed to make them. It's summer.

* * *

It's what they call butterflies, his mom says. He's so very bad at keeping secrets and she's way too good at noticing everything, something he wishes he'd inherited from her instead of his temper.

She says it's called butterflies when you have to try not to upchuck technicolour ice-cream all over your best friends shoes just because he has a sprinkle at the corner of his mouth. She says it's a good thing, pinches his cheek and leaves him pizza money.

He doesn't particularly think it's a good thing but doesn't dare tell his mom she's wrong _or _ask her if this happened to her too when she met his dad and if she ever threw up on his bodacious coat.

What he does do is count up his pizza money, take a stomach tablet and ring up Okuyasu.

They are now twenty-six days into their excellent summer break plans. That means that if they want to complete their excellent list for the most perfect summer break, they have two weeks and a lot of willpower to do it.

They're walking through town crossing off items, Okuyasu carrying a small notepad of tearaway post-it notes with scrawly looping handwriting and little tick boxes.

"Maybe we should skip the water park, man," Okuyasu laments, elbowing him with the arm holding his pen. "It's gonna be full of toddlers and we'd wait an hour for a slide. No good."

"Word." Josuke pulls him out of the way just in time for a small family to pass without collision, Okuyasu too busy frowning down at his notes. "Maybe we could see a movie instead. Mom left me money, and we could get to Tonio's after."

He doesn't think the stomach tablet is working much, in knots as it is as soon as Okuyasu pokes his tongue past his lips in focus while he crosses out S City's Power Realm Water Park.

Resolutely, Okuyasu nods and grins at him, which makes everything so much worse. "Yeah, dude! There's a movie I've been wanting to see. It seems scary, though. It's got ghosts in it."

Josuke guffaws. "I can handle a couple of ghosts, bro. I'm not scared."

"That's what you said about the Fog."

Okuyasu sounds smug, but Josuke is too busy trying to pay attention to the little signs of stores they pass to quell his butterflies to appreciate it. "Dude," Josuke mutters. "That was an old movie. Those don't count, they're scarier. There's more dust and shit."

"If you say so, man. Don't call me up at two saying you can't sleep or somethin'."

That's an idea. "Shut up, dickweed." Josuke didn't realise Morioh had this many yarn stores. "We're gonna watch this movie, and you're paying for popcorn and if you get too scared I'll hold your hand."

"And Tonio's after!"

"And Tonio's after."

* * *

Josuke does get a little scared. He almost thought of trying to convince Okuyasu to go see Pretty Woman instead because he'd probably think Julia Roberts is a babe but bites his tongue when Okuyasu's excitedly looks at their tickets.

In his defence, the ghosts in this one are pretty gross.

He jumps very visibly in his seat when the main character sees a stupid ghost in his kitchen, and with zero mockery, Okuyasu puts his hand palm-up between them, still focused on the screen, eyes a little wide.

Almost on natural-born instinct, he grabs it.

Some things happen after that distract him from the visual of a small boy hiding in a tent on the screen before them.

One is he realises his hands are getting really sweaty really fast. This means Okuyasu must notice too. That's fine. Okuyasu will think it's 'cause he hates ghosts, which is a fact and it's fine.

Another thing is he can't seem to control his hand muscles anymore. He's squeezing like his life depends on it, which it might _just, _and he can feel all of Okuyasu's callouses. Ones he got from working hard at everything he's ever had in his life.

Josuke doesn't have those.

He looks between them, at himself clutching Okuyasu's hand so tightly Okuyasu's palm is slightly white from it around where his fingers press in. Okuyasu is watching the screen with a look of quiet concentration and he'd hate to break it, and the movie is very thrilling but he couldn't look away even if he did want to watch Bruce Willis be sad. Something with a ring or whatever.

"Hey dude," he mutters, finally looking away but not really seeing the screen.

Okuyasu answering whisper is just loud enough for him to hear. "What's up, bro?"

"I'm in love with you. Is that alright?"

Okuyasu's head whips around so quickly Josuke worries he might die in their small town movie theatre watching a movie about dipshit ghosts. Okuyasu looks at him like he's never seen him before and with the lights of the screen making his eyes shine.

He purses his lips and Josuke feels like his lungs and heart and liver shot up into his throat. He sure hopes they haven't. He'd need a doctor.

"Yeah," Okuyasu says eventually, nodding without his usual enthusiasm. Josuke feels like the popcorn he marathon-ate is using his stomach for a second round in the microwave. "Yeah, that's alright."

Josuke misses the end of the movie. He thinks Okuyasu does too.

At Tonio's, they're served pasta that cures Okuyasu's indigestion (the result of an attempt at chugging four colas in under a minute) and risotto that cures Josuke's strained neck muscles.

He asks Tonio if he has anything for stomach aches. Not the kind he has, Tonio says. Josuke glares at him.

* * *

Five days before the end of summer break, they're sitting on a bench in Morioh Park, watching some kids do real bad at flying a kite. Josuke has his Kameyu bag loosely held in one of his hands, his chin resting in the palm of his other.

His declaration of love little over a week ago didn't go as expected, but he also doesn't know what exactly he did expect. Roses and sunsets or white horses or whatever only happen in movies, and he's not that kind of dude anyway, so he shoves all of it down back into his guts which are in a perpetual state of unrest lately, and thinks of how to enjoy his last days as a free man.

"We should go picnic," he declares. "People are always doing that, right?"

"Uh-huh, uh-huh."

"C'mon dude, springtime of our youth. St. Gentleman's should still be stacked."

"Hmm."

He punches Okuyasu in the shoulder. "Dude! What's up? You're never this quiet."

Okuyasu visibly startles and shoots up from his seat, which isn't something people do when nothing is wrong, generally.

Okuyasu pulls his own Kameyu bag with him and uses it to gesture at him. "Nothing, man! Just worried those sandwiches are gonna be gone by the time you're done sitting around!"

Josuke worries more about how his friend is trying to keep a secret, which is something they both have a reputation of doing poorly at, for reasons he can't think of.

They get sandwiches and juice and Okuyasu insists they get a small packet of cookies with cinnamon sugar on them, and Josuke doesn't need much convincing before adding them at the register.

Something hangs between them while they walk, carrying their goods back to the park. Like a balloon being blown up more and more, slowly inflating between them till the point of bursting. Josuke hopes he sees it coming when it does. He hasn't been good with sudden noises lately.

"Hmm," Okuyasu mutters when they get to a nice spot, a little flat expanse of grass by some flower beds. "Don't people usually have blankets for this kind of thing?"

Josuke shrugs off his jacket and drops it on the ground between them. Okuyasu looks at him like he's decided to transform into a pierrot and do mime tricks. "Sit, dude! We got cookies to eat."

Some people walk by with dogs, and Okuyasu usually makes small delighted sounds that get louder the bigger the dogs get. This time, he nibbles on his sandwich and says nothing. Josuke doesn't exactly plan on being awkward right with him even though they normally do everything together, so his only option is fixing it.

He leans back on both his arms, his own sandwich unwrapped in his lap. "You're being weird, man. You better lay down what's on your mind or I'll drink your Surge."

"Dude!" Okuyasu clutches his drink protectively to his chest. "Not the Surge, man!"

"Then spill or the Surge gets it."

"Uh." Okuyasu's face looks like it did when he said he once found his brother's nudie mags and got so embarrassed he wrapped them in Christmas wrapping paper and abandoned them in the attic. Josuke prays this isn't like that situation. "How did you know you were in love?"

"Oh, uh." _Oh. _Josuke's ears glow red hot. He hopes they don't melt off his face. That'd be so embarrassing. "I guess, like… My stomach feels weird."

"Aw, man! That's it?"

"And I guess, I realised that I kinda wanted to hang out with you like this more. Not just for summer, but like… every day, forever. And hold hands and stuff, maybe."

"Oh," says Okuyasu. "I get it. Thanks, dude."

"Uh, no problem, man. Anytime."

Josuke anxiously wiggles his toes as much as his socks and shoes allow him to.

Okuyasu squints at a bug near them. Some kind of beetle. Josuke's not an entomologist.

"Hey, dude?"

Josuke tries not to flinch. The bug is very interested in one of their juice bottles. It'd be a shame to take that away from it. "Yeah?"

"In that case, I think I'm in love with you too, bro."

"Huh?" Josuke can't hear himself over the rushing in his own ears, but he probably sounds like a grade-A dweeb. The bug startles with the flailing of his arm when it fails to hold him up and collapses.

"I'm in love with you, dude. I wanna do this forever and hold hands and stuff." Okuyasu sounds like Josuke is a total dipshit for not getting this. He probably is.

"Oh," Josuke says, mouth flapping uselessly like his ventriloquist is an amateur on break. "Cool."

"Yeah!" Okuyasu says, nodding wildly. "I thought so!"

In between them, over the brand logo on Josuke's coat, their hands meet.

* * *

One single day before the end of summer vacation, they're sitting beneath a tree. Okuyasu decided he likes when his head is on Josuke's legs, and Josuke decided he doesn't mind at all, so for now, the final items on their summer break activity list are making way for not doing anything much worth noting, and reading a magazine he got at the local kiosk.

There's a quiz in this one. 'What kind of boyfriend is the _Mr Right _for you'. Josuke skips it because he knows already.

"Hey, Josuke," Okuyasu says from somewhere behind his magazine. He lowers it and watches the way the sunlight filtering through the oak leaves makes little spots dance on his face.

"What's up, man?"

Little light spots dance over Okuyasu's wide grin. "I just think kissing you would be nice."

"Most hedonistic of you, dude."

"Life's short!"

Don't they both know it. Josuke thinks kissing Okuyasu would be nice too, so he leans forward while Okuyasu pushes himself up on his elbows.

They both do this a little too fast and their noses end up colliding harshly in the middle, but after some small manoeuvring, they get their lips somehow touching each other.

Josuke is smiling too much and too wide to properly purse them. Okuyasu tastes a little like rice crackers, which Josuke thinks is excellent.

Okuyasu snorts between them, and they part with muffled giggles. Okuyasu slaps his own cheeks like he's waking himself up, and it makes the little crickets in Josuke's stomach buzz and flitter. Okuyasu laughs, once, bashful, and declares, "very nice."

Josuke nods. "Way excellent."

Josuke has a feeling he's going to love every following summer too.

At the end of the summer holiday, the start of further educational imprisonment, Okuyasu does very well on his English report. Josuke fails disastrously.


End file.
